Are the diaper years the spiritual growth sidelines?
In our household, the last week has been dominated by stomach flu. I don’t really need to fill in the gaps. Four little people tend to share these things around liberally.
- I didn’t get much done
- We didn’t do trips to museums
- We didn’t get stuck into math and phonics
- The washing machine was going constantly, but there is still a huge laundry mountain to be dealt with
- I didn’t get a lot of sleep
It’s easy to wonder, what was the last week about?
Paying attention to character
Leah’s post at My Little Robins encouraged me. Her ‘Complete Charlotte Mason Preschool Guide’ goes back to first principles, which I love, and reminded me what the little years really have in view: habits and character. And those are developed anywhere and under any circumstances.
Recently with the kids we’ve been learning the fruit of the Spirit and praying for this fruit to grow in each of us. And with that perspective, a bout of sickness suddenly seems like a very appropriate training ground for developing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…. Caring for all the needs of a sick young family? Yep, I am painfully aware of my need to grow fruit.
Paying attention to MY character!
So, this was a lightbulb moment for me: motherhood is meant to be refining my character. I get so focused on bringing up the kids and helping them learn how to relate to one another and how to react to their circumstances… But those same relationships and circumstances are shaping me too. The more I think about this, the more I love it. It changes how I react to how my day goes – if the purpose is reforming my character rather than getting through my plan for the day, it takes the sting out of the to-do list! And I know it will be all to the good of my children if I am shaped more like Christ.
Motherhood: the spiritual sidelines?
That first step into motherhood is such a huge adjustment. Life changes in so many ways. And one of the big changes is often in church activities. Of course it depends on your church culture, but often the arrival of that first precious newborn is a step away from evening Bible studies and serving rotas. When I found myself with 3 babies the eldest of whom was 25 months, even daytime Bible studies and coffee mornings were an impracticability.
And it’s easy to feel: the life of the church is going on way over there, with the meetings and the buzz and the people who aren’t so sleep deprived, while you are here. Just here. And sometimes at the park.
“Ah, you have been benched for a couple of years by practical necessity, but don’t worry, it won’t be forever and then you’ll be back and able to contribute in some meaningful sense again…” Are you spiritually on the sidelines?
Here are some reasons why not:
1. You are in Christ
Anyone who trusts in Christ is. You’re joined to him; He’s not over there and you’re over here. He is as with you now as much as He was before you were a mother and He’ll be as with you whatever your circumstances are.
2. The Lord has put you where you are
All our circumstances are ordained by the Lord for our spiritual good. I’ve talked before about how helpful I find it to remember God’s providence in my life, and in my children’s lives. There isn’t some other situation which would be more fruitful. The time for spiritual growth is not on hold while you are changing diapers.
3. He is making us like Jesus
Our spiritual good is Christlikeness. And you are in Christ, so you are in the right place to be shaped like Christ. All those highs and lows of mamahood, they are to produce fruit in us. Any time I am just that little bit more patient in the face of inexplicably strong displays of emotion – see, He is doing it! Right in the middle of my messy living room.
Spiritual fruit for every season
So no, my friend with the little beans and the pile of laundry, you have not been spiritually benched. You are not on the spiritual sidelines. You are right where it’s at, in Christ. Whatever your circumstances.
There are a couple of reasons it’s important to take hold of this now:
Firstly, so the truth can cheer you up. And more importantly, strengthen your arm for the service you’re doing.
Secondly, it will stand us in good stead for any season of life which doesn’t fit the world’s idea of fruitfulness, usefulness, productivity, value to society and self-worth. Seasons of illness, caring for infirm relatives, experiencing the frailties of old age ourselves. Seasons… but not the spiritual sidelines. We will be right there in Christ.
Love this! I’ve been in this season for a while with four kids and drowning in school work and house work. I’ve had people looking and wondering why I laugh when they ask how many hours I spend in worship and study and I’m thinking, yes… I’m lucky to have some prayer time during a bathroom break or during nap time.
😀 Ishah, thank you so much for your comment and for understanding!! Yep, it really looks different in this season… God bless you lots in the busyness 🙂
I love this post! Thank you. I also love that you’ve been teaching fruits of the spirit. ❤
Francesca, thank you so much for your comment and your encouragement 🙂
I really appreciate how you capture the truth that motherhood is a sanctifying process – that as we disciple our little ones, God is using this season to mold us into the image of Christ! We learn to practically apply His words in 24-7 action! It’s amazing! Thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you, Dani! It is amazing how God uses every season and it’s really changing how I view the most frustrating or tiring days 🙂
This speaks so much to me! It is so easy to think these years are just meant to trudge through. Grateful for your words!
Keri, thank you so much for your comment 🙂 Yes, I really know what you mean about trudging…it’s a relief to know we can grow and be fruitful!
Thank you so much for posting this. I just subscribed to your feed and I don’t subscribe to many since I have 4 littles and am in the thick of parenting business.
I feel honored, Faith, thank you… 🙂
So good. I have three little ones and definitely need all the encouragement I can get.
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Naomi. I think this is a season of life when moms really need to stick together and encourage each other!
It does sort of feel like that, tho! I love how you’ve looked to Scripture to encourage. Beautiful post!
Liz, thank you for commenting! Yes, definitely need God’s word to fight the feelings of being benched 🙂 Because society/culture can really reinforce the negativity.
Lovely post to help put things into perspective for busy parents.
Thank you for commenting, Julie, I really appreciate it 🙂
Elizabeth,
This really speaks to my heart. Often times as a mother I forget that God is working not just on my children, but on me through my children. You are an incredible writer, I can’t wait to come back and visit soon.
Thank you for this powerful reminder.
Rita, I’m so glad you were encouraged; thank you for visiting. It IS wonderful that God is at work in us – it is such a relief to me!
Wow! This is so true and such a perfect description of my life right now. Thanks for the encouragement.
Rachel, I’m so glad, thank you for commenting 🙂
Love your encouragement to young moms! I know that I often felt that way — like what I was doing just wasn’t important. So glad you are speaking truth into their hearts!
Kay, thank you for your encouragement 🙂
Boy, can I relate! We had some weird bug last month that hit us each a week apart! I feel like I haven’t been at church forever because of some kind of sickness and when we do go back to church we usually get something else! Thankfully I’m glad that God has shown me that this a short season and that I am doing a great work here at home. I’m not missing out. And yes our school schedule hasn’t looked like much either with a new baby, a new house to get in order and constant sickness but we are all also learning a lot! Love this post and your heart!! Thanks for the encouragement that fits exactly in the season I’m in!
I totally understand – sickness, new baby, new house…arggh. I am still emptying house boxes from our move last year. It’s good to know the Lord has a different view of ‘productivity’! 🙂